Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
