STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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