I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
