I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
