Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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