I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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