my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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