i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
