i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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