I just threw up on my dentist
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
