I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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