you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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