I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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