ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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