This dress was meant to end up on your floor
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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