Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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