my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
