Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
