Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
