her facebook's as public as her vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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