i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
