Cold hands, warm shart.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
