He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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