I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
