Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
