he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
