Porn is love you can see.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
