She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
