Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
