I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
