Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
