I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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