He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize