I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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