He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
