I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
These tits shall not be calmed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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