did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
