Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
