R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
