Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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