So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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