So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
