Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
