I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
