Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
