Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
