you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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