This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
