I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
