Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
