I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
