She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
