he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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