her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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