i would punch a child for taco bell
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
