I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
