I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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