Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
