im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
