ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
