A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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