They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
