So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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