Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
