My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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