he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
