dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
