Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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