Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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