I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize